#212: Boost Your Charisma with Demet

Welcome back to another episode of the Course Creation Incubator podcast. I’m your host, Gina Onativia, here to get you excited about your course creation to leave you a little inspired and to help you build up the online based business of your dreams. Now, it’s been a minute since I had a guest on. I’ve been really enjoying delivering workshops for you, but I have a special treat for today.

I wanted you to hear from my next guest. Demet Tuncer is a new friend of mine and an award winning actress. She’s an international speaker and executive trainer, and she talks about captivating your audience with your magnetic presence. I mean, we want more of that, don’t we? Terms of our courses, we want to captivate our audience When we’re building up our audience and we’re doing videos, or maybe we’re going live on stage.

We, of course, want to create an incredible experience for everyone in front of us. Now, how do you break that down, though? How do you say, I want more charisma? Give it to me? Well, if you’re listening right now, you’re saying, well, I could use more charisma, but I feel like I’m not charismatic. Well, Dermot has a way to break it down so we can all get more attraction into our lives.

And she talks about five banks that really make up charisma. So we can attract our audiences or clients or students or customers in new ways. And you’re going to hear her go through those five banks in one key. And I think this content is just incredible as you’re listening. Think about one bank you want to start with. And without further ado, let’s hear from Dermot.

Demet. Welcome to the podcast. This is going to be fun. Oh, yes, that’s what we do. We educate and entertain. I love it. Okay, let’s dive in because I know this is going to be awesome. Charisma. What? Why do we need it as course creators? Why do we need it as business owners? Charisma is the missing X-Factor. Not only in business, not in everyone’s life, in like in our normal lives.

It’s because think about it. Charisma. It’s not just sharing content for, let’s say, for content creators. For course creators. Right? Right. There is information all over the place. So it’s not giving information anymore. It’s creating experience. So when I ask you, like I would say, Hey, Gina, did you go and meet with this so-and-so? You would say, Oh, yes, I didn’t have a good experience with that, or I didn’t have a good experience with going to that place.

So the first thing you say is, I didn’t have a good experience, but maybe it would be different for you. Right. So we always go back to that experience thing. So I want everyone to think as you’re always creating experiences with your presence. So it’s not just information anyone. Everyone can buy information. And if you’re buying a course, it’s going to go on for five, 12 weeks, six months and a year, whatever you name it, you want it to be an experience that they stay on, that you just want them to pay and that’s it.

You don’t really care about community. And perhaps that’s I don’t know. It’s and it never works because they’ll buy once and that’s it. But unless you want to create if you want to create a community and you want to grow that community and that experience, and if you’re looking for transformation, then you need charisma. You need to create experiences for people and you need to walk the walk, I’m telling you.

 

You know, one thing I have to say, I was very proud of what I did, but I have to share this with you because this is new information. Do you know Joan? Let me see. Her name’s Jonna mendez. She’s the former chief of disguise at CIA. Oh, okay. Ask me how I got into that YouTube spiral, but her video pops up and she’s talking about disguise and what it matters, and then talks about charisma.

And she says, you know what? When we pick our spies, we want to make sure that they have charisma, that there is that charismatic presence. The only thing we cannot teach is charisma in our in our form, in the form. I can teach you everything else, all the information, all the ah, the tactical stuff. I can do that.

But charisma, you need to have it before you come. And I’m like, Oh, wait a minute. That’s what I that’s what I did. So I get to teach charisma to people. I didn’t know it was a thing. But yes, you can teach charisma and you can have. We all have charisma. So cult for content creators, For course. Creators for teachers.

Forget about like private cause greeters for high school. Elementary. Middle school. High school. College. Higher education. How many times have you told your friend, Oh, don’t take that class from so-and-so, Take it from this? Yeah. No, Plenty of time. Right. And what’s the difference? You’re saying it’s charisma. Okay, but let’s back up. How do you define charisma, then?

Your ability to create incredible experiences. I would say it’s that inner magnet that we all have that we don’t realize. People people think that you’re either born with charisma or you’re doomed. You’re not. You’re not one of the lucky ones. No, stop. That’s not the case. I believe that we we are born with charisma. That we were the we.

What’s the word? How do you say it? That they breathed charisma onto us. Okay. It’s build in us. But some people are aware of it and they build on it. Some people are not aware of it and they say, you know what? I’m just I was just not born with charisma, which is not the case because people sometimes, most of the time they feel like charisma has to be an extrovert thing or you have to be out and yeah, to be one.

I’m here, I have a right, but it’s not the case. You can be an introvert and still have charisma. Okay, this is I love this definition, the inner magnet we all have because we’re talking about stories. So IBM, I’ve done trainings, content trainings for IBM with with software engineers. Right. And and if you ask them, they’d say, no, the charisma is low.

So and and that’s just not coming for me. Like that’s, that’s how they feel. Right? Because maybe they’re not extroverted or they don’t think they have interesting stories or content to share. So how how would you work with somebody like that? Because I know you’re teaching this in workshops all the time. Okay. Where do we start? Perfect. Great question.

The reason why they’re saying all those things is because they don’t know what to develop. Yes or no where to ask because they feel like, well, I don’t have it, so I’ll never be charismatic. So I’ll just continue with my deep dive engineering stuff for my medical stuff. But here is a thing that you it is a skill.

And when it’s a skill that means you can develop. But the perfect thing is what are the components? What are the elements that I need to look for to develop charisma? Right. And this is exactly how my journey started with these were at after a women’s Inspire conference, I did a keynote, a closing keynote, and then they came up to me and asked me, Can you teach us what you have?

Thinking? What do I have a barrier? I don’t know what I have. And they kept asking me. And then so they gave me a nickname, The Queen of Charisma. What will you teach us? What do you have? And then it hit me. They saw the charisma, they saw the delivery, they saw the presence. And I said, How do I teach that?

So one night I was talking to my mom and I said, Mom, in America, they give me a nickname. I’m the queen of charisma. And she’s like, Oh, that is too cute. Your dad was so charismatic, so you’re just like your dad. So everything just clicked. And I said, Wait a minute. So let me sit down and reverse engineer what my dad did.

That perfectly really opened so many doors. Yeah. I was not a politician. He was a lawyer and a journalist. But I felt like the room stopped when he walked in. Like, I thought everybody knew my dad and my dad knew everyone, which was, of course, not the case, but that was the feeling. So and I added that with my 30 year of Stagecraft Mastery and then came up with this framework, the five banks and the master key.

So the five banks being is. So here is the drumroll. This is what you need to look for development. Okay, hit us. Okay. One knowledge. You need to know your audience. If you know who you’re talking to, then your your you cannot land your message and you need to know your stuff really well. So when you open your mouth, people respect.

Listen and they get value. So the second the second bank is the character bank. And for the character bank, oh, this is an important one. That’s where we go into vocal branding, visual branding. It’s how you show up and how you use your voice. We say use your voice, but voice is our instrument. So. So Gina, do you use and do you use your instrument?

Do you use piano or do you play the piano? You play the piano, right. Play the piano. And so your vocal chords, barrier instruments to actually in using and playing is you could be you could be saying the same thing like this or you could be saying the same thing like this, right? It’s just like, let me give you an example.

Like, okay, everybody would know this when the night has come and the land is dark and the moon is the only light, we’ll see. I said, I said a right. But when you play your instrument, when the night has come and the land is dark and the moon right, it goes into space and your hair starts to stick out, you’re like goose bumps.

Hello. Then you lean in, then you, then you drop your phone and you listen. You’re engaged. Now I’m creating an experience for you. So vocal branding. Visual branding. It does not matter. You don’t have to be working under a corporation. You are your own empire, as we say in generate building our own lives. So that’s you are your own brand.

Your voice is not meant for you. It’s meant for other people. So you have to know how to use it well, if you have great content. But if you show up like imagine I’m, I’m teaching charisma and you bought my course and the first video and you see someone like Welcome to my charisma cause in this course we’re going to and it’s the missing X-Factor in your line Yeah, I know.

Oh I know. Do you have experiences like user go character also allows us to be aware of our bodies. What do we do? What does our voice do? What do we do? One more mad. What happens to our face? What happens to our facials, to our fingers, to our body? Right. And that helps us, allows us to read other people.

So what happens? You start to learn how to read rooms, read audiences, read people. So when you’re pitching and when you see the signs, you should be able to maneuver your pitch to a to a place where they’re going to start liking it. Otherwise, that’s it. So that’s the second bank, the the character bank. The third bank is very important to its humor.

You need to have humor in your life. Ladies again. And humor. And when I say humor, some people think that I am talking about you have to be a standup comedian. No, humor is not being funny. You could it could be satire. It could be irony. It could be It could be talking, making fun of yourself. It could be wit anything.

So many sorts of humor, But you have to insert it. It creates lightness, it creates connection, it creates bond, it creates emotional connection. So you have to work on your humor. And the fourth one is the story. Oof, you need to you need to be able to collect stories from other people. So listen to people. Don’t just like be a narcissist when you’re when you’re having a conversation.

But listen, bank those stories. And when you bank those stories, what happens is this My dad was a master at this. He would talk to people from all walks of life. And whenever the the situation was the situation called, he would pull out that story relating to the meeting or to the person he was talking to and boom, instant connection ends.

Yeah, well, the stories and then as you listen to these stories, then you learn to create your stories, create your presentations, and and learn to actually share your information in a storyline. Because I’ve seen I’ve seen this work with big pharma medical directors, but they just held on to their to their left brain. They’re like, No, these are my charts.

These are my ground engineers as well. I’m married to one. Oh my God. Now this is so important when I calculate this from this and this is what happens. And I go, So like, if you talking to technical, technical, that’s brilliant. You know, you’ll just be loving on your brilliance. But when you when you need to reach mass is non-technical people.

Norm I don’t say normal people, but people who are not doing what you’re doing, you need to tell them what it’s for, why it’s for what’s it’s solving, how it’s going to solve it. So you need to create an arc, you need to create it, you need to make it relatable. And that’s your story. Bank And so the the fifth bank is the hardest one for people is the ability bank, vulnerability Bank.

Okay. You people feel vulnerability, especially as you go up in the chain too close to C-suite suites. They were like, no, no, no, no. We don’t shake show vulnerability. Vulnerability is not a weakness unless you think vulnerability is like crying in the meetings all the time, talking about your childhood trauma all the time. That’s not vulnerability. Save that for your therapist, but vulnerability is for a leader to say, You know what?

 

We tried this, it did not work, and that was not the right way to go. We tried it, but now we know. So let’s do something else or share a little bit about your your life, your personal life. It’s not going to break you. What it does is it creates that human touch with you, with the people you work with.

So they were having this hard time with vulnerability. And I said, This is your superpower, bang, bang it. I mean, if somebody came to you and said, you know what, I really want to create a course, but I’m dyslexic and I really can’t do this and and I really want this. But I haven’t been doing this for they tell me, I can’t do this.

Are you going to say, Yeah, you know what? You can’t even write summary for me. So that’s that’s your that’s your vulnerability. You’re so weak, you can’t even do that. You say, Oh, my God, of course I can help you. Don’t worry. Don’t stress out. We can we can have these systems in place. We could do this. We could do that.

So you’re more accommodating. You’re more welcoming because somebody just opened their heart to you and shared some information. So we always have to feel like we always assume for other people, well, they’re going to assume I’m weak. You’re assuming I’m right. And what is that thing the English asks of you and me? Yes, exactly. So don’t do that.

Share a little. But here’s the trick. The last part. Now we have the five banks, right? We have five banks character. We have the humor, we have the story, and we have the vulnerability. You can have all these banks, Gina, All these banks filled to the brim. But unless you have one thing which is the master key, nobody will know what a master key.

A master key is courage. The courage to step up, open your mouth, deliver, show your self, show up authentically as you are and throughout the world. This is a this is a huge training. But throughout these different things. I know I’m just giving a little bit. Oh, it’s great. I love it. We do. You know, 2% of this.

I feel like it can really impact our courses and our in our businesses. But please keep going. Okay. Yeah. So during these banks, what you figure out is you become aware of who you are, why you do the things you do. So instead of giving them these communication blocks, when this happens, you have to do this. When they say this, you have to say this.

Yeah, but when they say something else that you’re not trained for, what are you going to do? Hold on. I have to call my communication coach. Know you. Once you find your authentic communication, the world is your oyster. Then you just have to show up as you are. Be yourself. There are so many people who try to do the same thing.

So are you trying to blend in or are you trying to stand out? That’s another question I always ask my my executive female clients. Are you wearing the pants because they’re comfortable to wear or because you you feel like you have to wear them? You have to wear them. Yeah. Yeah. And it’s also exactly it’s like but it’s not wear like put your poor, your big pants on, like girl pants on.

Now, are you trying to be like men or are you wearing them because. Yeah, they’re comfortable. So what? I want that. Yeah, they’re comfortable. So what? Because this is who I am and I’m proud of it. And, you know, I take it everywhere I go. That’s my presence, That’s my charismatic communication, that’s my charisma, that’s my magnet. What happens, Gina, is that the magic is that once you activate your charisma, you captivate the crowds and you don’t have to go chase opportunities, you attract them, you become a magnet.

That’s why I said it’s our inner magnet. And through these banks, through this framework, it just it just becomes it amplifies and it just overflows you. When it does, your aura changes and you just start attracting all these things. Think about a party you go to. Everyone is bubbly and you know, they’re they’re wearing great clothes and great everything.

Let’s say everything. Everyone is the same. But you’re not drawn to everyone, right? You drawn to specific people. Certain people. Why you? That’s, that’s why that’s. Yeah, that’s the magnet calling you. Okay? You’re not for everyone and not for you. Yes, I talk about that all the time. There you go. So when they call upon you, maybe you’re not.

You’re not supposed to go anyway, right? They’re not for you. This is so good debit. So much to pull from here as, of course, creators. I think, like I said, even if we took little elements from each bank and just worked on our courses, we would like you said that the opportunities open up and I love what you said way back at the beginning that you re-engineered what your dad did.

And in the last episode that aired, I was talking about results. You need results, you need a system, and then you need a little push in terms of getting your course done. You were seeing the results. You were doing these speeches, right? And people were saying, Oh, I put into place you were just talking about a workshop you did before we hopped on.

You had a system for your iPad that you reengineered and then push after that workshop. I’m sure you get multiple people saying, Hey, how can you teach me this? Where’s the course? Right? So I know what are the next steps that you and I have talked about is maybe doing a course on this? Yes, definitely. We had that’s where we’re going to start building the empire.

Gina. Yeah, because you you’re getting you’ve got the results, you’ve got the system. You’re getting that not just nudges, you’re getting pushes on this like, hey, we’re, we’re can I buy this? How can you train me? Right? And then if I, if I don’t get to do it in person training, how do I get the benefit of this?

And that’s where your course is into play. Exactly. And then my mind goes to okay, because because of my background with entity. So this course, you know, it’s not going to be like, well, this is our first lesson. So. Right, right, right. Let’s go to our next lesson. And I have some exercises down LinkedIn for you and then make sure to make sure to send me a hello a shout out.

Yes. I want it to be interactive. I want it to be fun and sustaining what I found out throughout my years in the industry is that when you want to tell people something, when you want to teach them, you don’t really teach them. You kind of make a set out of it, make it entertaining, that it sticks. That’s that’s what we keep.

We don’t keep the you should never smoke. You should never do this. You should not go out after tent, whatever it is. Right. So but when you when you twist it and when you make it accessible for our nervous system to grab on to and say, Oh my God, I love this. This makes me feel so good. And we keep that.

We I mean, think about all the jokes that that we still remember. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the unnecessary jokes. So, yes, definitely. Of course, creation that is going to actually, in my case, bilingual. Maybe. You never know. You never know. Yep, yep, yep. So here’s another trick. Maybe it’s something you talk about when you’re working with your with your clients.

Yeah, Very different when you are speaking to a camera, to a lens alone, then a stage. So speaking and delivering on camera is it will be different then, then stage and which brings me to Oh my God. Yeah. Which brings me to the question of you definitely need when you’re doing the courses of course creation. Do you also tell them how to deliver your code course?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. You go that what you have to do if you don’t, if you just get people they say, I have this course and I’m ready and or thank you for creating the course and I’m just going to shoot right now. Video three, two, one, go. And if the delivery is flat, you probably are going to point out or thinking, Oh, we talk about it all the time.

It’s not just for stages, it’s for video, it’s for delivering course content hack. It’s even if you’re doing slides with audio and they’re not even seeing you on camera, all of these banks come into play. You know, you want to bring the character, you want to bring them to me. That’s life, that’s energy, right? That I’m looking for.

And every time I take a training. How many times have you thought to yourself talking to someone on the phone without seeing them, without knowing them, but feeling, Oh my God. I mean, she had great energy. Yes. To meet that person 100%. And I’ve seen the opposite. I was doing interviews for for an agency I consult for. This was last month.

And I they looked professional like young people. Right. And they look the part and then the energy was just through the floor like it wasn’t there at all. And and I’m thinking to myself, I can’t hire this person. And and it’s not about extrovert versus introvert. You mentioned that early on. It’s we did end up hiring kind of an introverted person, but who had really great energy and and had that had charisma, had had that certain X factor.

Right and was passionate about their experience and what they had done. And it’s contagious to like yeah I know you’ve I’m sure you talk about that in your talk that Oh yes it’s it’s I mean it’s physiological too. It’s you know it’s mirror neurons. So we have found and when you it’s a let me tell you, for those of you who are listening, like go back to the times when you’re watching a movie and it’s just so sad and the person is talking to the other person like this one.

I really loved you all those years. I didn’t know what to say, but I it’s not fair that you with somebody else right to the face. She’s like you and your your your partner comes in and says, What are you doing with that face? And so they catch you on that. Yeah. No, they’re you’re watching the scene. And the scene is very funny because you’re mirroring the scene right where I it’s exactly the same when you teach a course or when you’re watching somebody give a talk.

It’s so you have to be careful with what you do and how you use it, because we mirror the audience, mirrors what you do. Yes. So good, so good. Okay, we’ve got to wrap it up. I know we could talk about this all day. Let us know where we can learn more about you and get more training from you.

Potentially. It. Well, they can always find me on LinkedIn. I’m taking my website done from I’m turning it into from entertainment to Charisma Consulting. Yeah yeah I know. So that’s coming up. But they can always find me on LinkedIn because I, I share some bite size information, some videos on my LinkedIn as well, so they can definitely find me there and book a session book strategy call from Caitlin Lee.

It’s on there on LinkedIn. Okay. And if they want me for their corporate teams again, you can reach me from there speaking or just saying, Oh my God, I, I, I have this comment on your video. This is so good, but I have this question you up on LinkedIn. Okay. Well, make sure we list that in the show notes.

And thanks again. This is a lot. I’m going to think about this for the next few days and how I want to implement so you know what? Let you create a course on what we talked about. Here you go. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. What did you think? Which of the banks are you going to work on for me?

I think I might be working on the character piece and how I can use my voice more as an instrument. So I’d love to know what you guys are going to work on. Maybe it’s your energy, maybe it’s your humor or your vulnerability. Send me a message on LinkedIn or IG. I would love it and hopefully this was meaningful for you guys and impactful.

Go to Demet to answer dot com to learn more about how you can get her content. All right. Next week we’re going to continue our series of the biggest questions that we get asked. So make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss one episode. Think about signing up for our done for you services. If you want handholding through your entire course and marketing and until next week, go create, be you and be brilliant and get it done.